The Parental
by Genis Aurion
Summary: [Slash, pointless StanKyle oneshot]. Ah parents, we all know how they are sometimes, how they try circumnavigating that talk. But no, Stan's mother isn't anything like that at all. Sometimes, being direct's the best way to go.


**The Parental  
**_Zakuyoe_

"Stanley, dear, we need to talk."

Oh those dreaded words, the words every child feared of hearing from their parents. Still, aside from that, the raven-haired boy called Stanley—Stan, for short—removed himself from his computer to face his mother.

:"Yes, mom?"

The older woman takes a seat at the side of Stan's bed, glancing for a moment at the boy's computer before clearing her throat. "I'd like to ask you an honest question, and I hope I can receive an honest response from you."

"Just ask already, ma. Kyle's waiting for me to reply to his IM."

"Stanley, are you and Kyle… a thing now?" The boy's eyes grow wide, perhaps in shock, and the look causes his mother to stutter. "Well, I… I mean, like… are you two dating…?"

"I know what that means, ma!" Stan exclaims, shaking his head furiously. "No, ma!—of course not! Why would even think I'm gay?"

"I don't know, dear," his mother begins. "I mean, I know you have Wendy and all, but I was browsing through the internet one day and—"

"—no ma, I did _not_ reveal my address on Facebook."

"No, no, not that—"

"—and I didn't reveal any personal information on my Myspace page."

"It's not that, dear," Mrs. Marsh assures her son. "But the other day I was searching through this fan fiction site and"—she pauses momentarily to examine her son's bemused expression "—what?—I need my daily dose of erot—fiction!"

Stan shrugs. "Just keep going, ma."

"So then," she continues," I stumbled upon heaps upon heaps of stories that have you in them."

"Couldn't it be just a coincidence?" Stan asks his mother. "I'm sure there're many other people named Stan out there."

"Stanley Marsh," she said. "The majority of the stories I found had a boy named Stanley Marsh falling in love with a boy named Kyle Broflovski. Dear, don't you think that's a bit more than a coincidence?" From his chair Stan gulps, but merely shrugs it off and bites his lip. "Anyway, even if you are dating the boy, I just want to let you know that whatever you do, even with a guy, you should always have safe sex and—"

"—aw, aw… Ma!" Stan exclaims, plugging his ears. "Who in their right mind talks to their son so directly about sex? That's just gross, ma!"

"You need to hear the facts, dear," Mrs. Marsh replies. "Just remember to not do anything foolish. Though, quite frankly, I suppose having sex with Kyle would be safer because you wouldn't have to worry about impregnating him…."

"Ma!" Stan roars, pointing to the door. "That's just sick!—can you just go before you make me vomit on my computer?"

Mrs. Marsh sighs. "Fine, fine. But remember what I said, Stanley, and don't forget to use a condom—"

"—for the last time, Ma, I'm _not_ gay!" Stan exclaims, and he gets up to slam the door shut behind his mother. He can barely make out his sister's loud snickering in another room, but at that moment his mind is too blown to think about it. Instead, he returns to his computer to return Kyle's IM.

_Sorry about that_, he types. _Mom came in and had some talk with me._

'_Bout what? _Kyle asks.

_Nothing too important_, Stan replies. _My mom suspects us of being a couple. Apparently there're people all over the nets writing gay stuff about us._

_That's just gay, dude,_ is Kyle's response. _Anyway, wanna get back to hot cyber sex?_

Stan smiles at the idea, but then, in mockery of his mother, he smirks all the wider. _Hold on, my mom says I need to put on a condom, first_.

_**- Fin -**_

So uh, completely random. But I felt like writing some random one shot before returning to chapter 3 of _Still_.

Starting Saturday until the 6th of July, I will be on vacation in Toronto. So, as there is no computer, I will be doing all my writing on paper. If all goes well I'll be having major updates when I get back.

So, review while I'm gone! It'll make me happy (yes, you know you want a happy Zak).

_Zak_


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